So, I’ve been working on my writing. I’m doing a daily writing prompt a day and today was a doozy. What challenges have I overcome in your life? That’s my prompt today. I brought up some nasty memories for me. This is your trigger warning. This contains SA and can be hard to read for some people. Here’s one of the challenges that I’ve overcome in my life, but I think it might be a little familiar to some of you.
Once, when I was 16, I skipped school with my step-sister. We missed the bus and decided to go hang out with our boyfriends instead of going to school. See, we were dating step-brothers at the time. Weird, I know. Anyway, we get a ride from one of their friends. He takes us to pick up her boyfriend as mine is at work and couldn’t hang out. (No, he wasn’t that old, just wasn’t in school anymore…) We all decide to go to our other sister’s house and see what she was doing.
When we got there, we started drinking and smoking some weed my sister’s roommate got while he was in Mexico. Needless to say, I was a little cross-faded that day. We hang out over there for a couple of hours before we decide to go do something else. I remember deciding to go to the park and having a great time in the car on the way there. We were listening to music and laughing, just having a good time.
I remember getting to the park and my sister leaving to go walk in the woods with her boyfriend,
I remember sitting in the car and not being able to move. I was conscious, but I couldn’t talk or move,
I remember my boyfriend’s friend putting his hands up my shirt,
I remember bits and pieces of the next few hours, but I wish I didn’t,
I remember calling my boyfriend and crying telling him about the day,
I remember him breaking up with me. After a year and a half of being together. Seriously!
This wasn’t even the first time I was assaulted. I don’t know many girls that made it to adulthood without some sort of sexual assault happening to them. Unfortunately, it’s a story that’s all too common.
Both of those guys were dicks. Point blank. Period.
My step-sister and her boyfriend? Both dicks as well for leaving me in a vulnerable position like that when I was clearly so fucked up that it was dangerous.
I knew then that it wasn’t my fault, but it took me a long time to get past it. To be honest, I doubt I really have yet and it’s been almost 30 years. I still eyeball every guy that walks in and I never mix my weed with alcohol anymore. I don’t party without my husband or my bestie. I have put measures in place in my life to try to ensure my own safety. That’s what I learned in all this. That you can’t trust a lot of people in this world and to protect myself.
– SM